Monday 30 March 2009

空響

好冷
迴路的另一端
有著年歲的堆砌
有著海洋的阻撓
錯了
是無形的斬斷
更錯了
是沒有開始的結束
沒有對的
是一切都不曾有過關係

好冷
如粗製的橡皮擦
一蹭一蹭地抹去
跪著
也不感覺大理石的冰冷

好冷
無非是去他的空想
去他的空響裡沒有是非
僅止地
立著一根木頭

好冷
便遁入利棘的蝸中
霧水若隱奇妙
羅蔓生菜沙拉

一日女友

如果你有個機會
可以跟一位你暗戀的女生交往
但是只有一天
一天之後
她將回到她的男朋友身邊
這樣一日的幸福
或許會換來你一輩子的痛苦

還要嗎?

渥華德今年剛滿十八歲,是露希雅在大學裡的同校同學。露希雅今年其實已經20歲了,因為出國旅遊的關係遲一年就讀大學,在音樂系主修的是豎琴,因為豎琴十分昂貴,而且需要修長的體型,因此只有三個同學合格進入,是個十分令人羨慕的希臘學殿。夏洛迪爾是露希雅的同學,也是交往一年的男朋友,彼此十分恩愛,而且謹守愛的分寸,打算大學畢業後就結婚。

暗戀,是禁忌的,因為在悔月之國中凡是暗戀者都有一個機會,可以跟被暗戀者無限制的交往一天,然後必須一輩子死心,不能再跟對方說一句話,否則對方會見月則死。

露希雅一輩子沒有忘記那一天,在經過她的同意後,渥華德向月亮提出了申請,她的男朋友陷入了一個夏夜的睡眠,直到旭日東昇,轉眼又見夕陽,到月亮再度露臉為止。那一天好短,可是卻拉的很長,很長,沒有斷過。

距離渥華德的葬禮已經是三十七年又四個月了,露希雅直盯著月亮,胸前的手心中仍緊握著那面鏡子,鏡中的月亮上幽幽地浮現著渥華德十八歲的臉龐,露希亞輕輕的閉上了雙眼。當年,一直到死前,對她,渥華德沒有再說過一句話。

Sunday 22 March 2009

Deliverance

Deliverance, is one of the route bringing healing power to people injured inside their heart. Through lots of confession, forgiveness and pray, finally decide to abandon their sins, people put their focus back to God. Their heart, the temple of Holy Spirit, is cleaned, so there is no place for demons to stand on or to control. Therefore demons have no reason or excuse to stay, but flee away at the end.

Nevertheless, does this means that the person undergone this is free forever? Of course not, if they expose their heart to demonic stuff again or refuse to deal with their wounds, which just like making a open window for demons to creep in and attack, while the person is too weak to defense. So keep on praying even if you get temporally healing, for it can not sustain if you don't take care of your heart carefully, on the other hand, keep the deep and intimacy relationship with God.

Sometime when the deliverance processing, you can hear sounds like screaming, yelling, and howling, or swearing, condemning, or even talking in a foreign language. Those words, for instance, "No, leave me alone" or "If I come out, this person can die", do occasionally come from the spirit of demon, but most of time, instead, come from the person themselves, and is,in fact, a kind of rejection to let go their sins, which accompany and lie to them at the same time, and bring them false value or have brought countless destructive decision in their entire life. If they can not solve it, one day by the other, the sins consume the energy of soul, pollute the temple of spirit, and finally effect to the body, toward both physically and spiritually death.

How scary, isn't it, hence we should understand what is deliverance and mostly, in God, nothing is impossible. Better don't need this dramatic way to cleanse ourselves, why not find a easier and more peaceful way? Such as regular praying or daily devotional, then, notwithstanding a deep valley we fall in within our lifetime, instead of ignoring it and pile it more and more, we can have enough courage to face it and solve it ASAP in a healthier way - with God, our personal doctor. Rejoice!

Saturday 21 March 2009

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Before I start to watch this movie, through the introduction of the movie, it's hard to look forward to this movie. So at the beginning I just treat it as a movie for killing time, at most bring some laughing. But apparently it's out of my anticipation, and is absolutely the best movie acted by James Carrey, a well-known comedic actor. It's not a new potato, but quite old released at 2004.

The story used flashback, a film technique narrating the story from the end.
Waking up late in the morning, Joel somehow quit the work and get on the train to Montauk. He meet a young lady, Clementine blue-stylish hair, too dynamic nearly crazy. Don't know why... just they feel familiar to each other.

Getting along very soon, then they start to find out something weird. There seems to be something happened before and now bring out a feeling of chaos, as in their life something essential had lost... or accurately, been stolen...

A letter sent to both of them, with a tape recording their own sound expressing the true feeling to a person... to each other they found out... a stranger just met?

The director successfully used dream and memory those two hard-explained material, both illusory and filled with the risk of confusion, bringing out the delicate atmosphere mixed of infatuation, impulsion and humiliation. While love can not exist without understanding, but understanding can start without love, so do caring or happiness. And see how affection twist under reality, but finally get rid of it and born again.

This movie make me feel no matter how far two lovers are, like a pair of magnet, one day they will be attracted back to each other, and even coincident can have some reason hidden. Maybe next time, try to find something in the dream, which is the expression straightly from our heart.

Highly recommend this movie to the people who feel regret of a ex-relationship or look forward to something might not happen again... really touching and encouraging.

Monday 16 March 2009

恐懼時刻

動物是否畏懼死亡呢?
恐懼來自於何處?
從恐懼敏感程度觀看動物的智能

恐懼可大致分為:

來自感官受器的
如強烈刺激,痛覺,失去知覺等等
分為本能反射型與機智躲避型

本能反射型就是身體為避免接觸進一步更強烈的感官刺激
而產生具有自我保護作用的自發性退縮
這樣的刺激式持續型的
初始的神經感知只要是負面而足夠強烈的
就可以強制嚇阻大腦所發出的動作命令
或撤換為自我保護的退縮動作
如被燭火燙到,隨即將手抽回
或太陽刺眼,眼皮自動闔上

機智躲避型就是大腦為避免接觸下一個可預期的感官刺激
而產生迅速的思考
驅動身體反應來避開危險
如戰場上躲避槍彈

來自於感官的恐懼經驗(精神化)
即親身經歷過而具備負面經驗
於下一次面臨同樣情境時由大腦重現經驗
給予自我保護的作用
效果相當於感官受器的初始神經感知
不過這次是虛擬的
只有提醒作用而不能嚇阻動作
如上次被燭火燙到,因此這次不會再把手伸向燭火

這樣的經驗可以累積而增強
如被刀子割到很多次,而切菜越切越慢,生怕再被割到
這是心理作用
也可能累積而疲勞
例如常常下廚的家庭主婦手都不太怕燙
這是生理作用

來自精神的恐懼經驗,以思考躲避之
如遭受言語暴力而捂住耳朵並逃跑
或是說實話以避免謊言被揭穿而身敗名裂

來自幻想思考的
就是沒有親身經歷過
只有部分認知或是純粹幻想
如對死亡的恐懼,對嘗試新事物的恐懼,面對挑戰害怕挫折的恐懼
這樣的恐懼完全是心理作用
因此是可以被克服的

強烈的幻想式恐懼
就是醫學上常見的一門精神病症-恐懼症(-phobia)
多半來自於長期的折磨(不論是精神或是肉體感知)
或是突發的極度強烈刺激(多半為精神)
可怕的是
這樣的恐懼會漸漸侵蝕克服恐懼的信心
接著會影響生理的恐懼
感知神經變得脆弱而敏感
最終臟器的神經也受到影響
而產生休克或器官衰竭
嚴重者死亡

以上是恐懼的粗略分類
可以看到有感官與精神兩大主軸
感官恐懼是動物基本的能力
精神恐懼就不是這麼容易建構了

依智力程度排列各種恐懼如下:
感官本能反射型
殺手T細胞
感官機智躲避型
青籮小扇撲流螢
精神機智躲避型=精神恐懼經驗型
動物躲避獵殺
感官恐懼經驗型(經神化)
動物不以鮮豔的生物為食
一朝被蛇咬,十年怕草繩
精神幻想思考型
怕狗
懼高症

很明顯的
最後一項精神幻想思考型
多數的人類都充分擁有
反例如飛蛾撲火,飛鳥撞上玻璃
喝醉的李白投水撈月等等

學者張清溪等,從個人決策、人際互動、整體經濟,列舉三類九項的基本經濟觀念。

有關個人決策

1.有得必有失:資源的有限與多種用途,構成選擇的基礎。各種用途的選擇乃有取就有捨,有得就有失。

2.失之者得之尺:選擇一項經濟行為,所「失」者就是所「得」的機會成本。

3.邊際上定抉擇:理性的人會以邊際機會成本與比較利益,來衡量其經濟行為之利弊得失與取捨決定。

4.誘因利導行為:人皆有自利心(self-interest),自願的行為會因應誘因(incentives)的設計而異。亦即誘因對行為具有因勢利導的力量。

有關人際互動

1.交易創造雙贏:分工(division of labor)再交易(trade)是人類經濟進步的原動力。

2.市場假私濟公:在市場經濟中,家庭與廠商各以自利心追求個別目的,形成供給與需求,決定出有限資源的配置,其結果卻會使得社會上的所有人均蒙其利。

3.政府趁虛而入:外部性(externalities)與公共財(public goods)等造成市場失靈(market failure),政府就有介入改善資源配置效率的空間,然政府的趁虛而入,固然可能是因為市場失靈,但亦可能是自我膨脹的結果。

有關整體經濟

1.生產能力決定生活水準:就整個社會而言,生活水準的高低乃取決於勞動生產力(productivity)。

2.鈔票印太多物價就上漲:惡性的通貨膨脹,無可避免的多是因為政府猛印鈔票的結果。

(張清溪,1998:25~28)

記下

落葉
記下的是日常生活中的小小感動

光線
記下的是靈修的軌跡

蜘蛛網
記下的是與相簿有關的捕風捉影

刀叉
記下的是與美食有關的驚奇

火花
記下的是腦部運動的產物

血滴
記下的是夢境以及只跟上帝分享的心事

Common jasmin orange

Outside the window, the sparrowes are chriping above the wire pole.
What they say, you tell me, gives a rich feeling of this summer.
Swaying on the paper, my pencil can tell
How you mean to me, and how I feel about you.

The taste of Saury, both cat and you are eager to know.
Just like that easy and funny, the aroma of our puppy love is discovered.
The sunshine, as fresh and vivid as the strawberry.
You say that you are reluctant to let go this feeling.

My love overflows as the rain, heavy and steady through the whole night.
The falling leaves piled on the ground, as much as how I miss you.
Any gossip can not cool down my passion,
Although you appear in any page of my poem.

My love overflows as the rain, heavy and steady through the whole night
Flying disorderly, the chapters of my poem, as the butterflies beyond the window.
Then I keep writing, writing it into the end of my poem, my love for you forever.
Because you are the only, my only heart's desire.

How lush the spike of the rice is, filling the whole season with abundance and happiness.
While your cheek blush, like the tomato maturing in the farmland.
Unexpectedly, you tell me that the name of this flower is lovely.
But at this moment, all I want is to kiss your obstinately alluring lips.

Saturday 14 March 2009

觸動

1.RahRah說她以前不知道美國濫用商業暴力壓制許多第三世界國家,或是藉由巧妙的商業技巧奪取本來屬於該國的利益,以及許許多多未經協商就獨斷發動的軍事行動。RahRah說他知道隻後感到抱歉並且認為當初美國不應該這樣,不過這並不改變她的愛國心,她說她認為美國需要改進這樣的態度,但她也相信已經有人在這樣努力了。

2.去Glasgow旅行的第一天,在St. George廣場上看到有一對貌似中南美洲的父女在餵鴿,父親建小女孩不知道應該要先把麵包揉碎再撒出去,而且小女孩手小力氣又不夠,就先把麵包揉碎再遞給小女孩,結果一不小心灑了一地,鴿子興奮地圍成一團在父女倆身邊爭食麵包碎,其中一隻還飛上小女孩頭頂,小女孩不但沒有被嚇到,還呵呵地與父親一同嘻笑,十分溫馨可愛。不料一個日本家庭經過,日本小男孩像怪獸一般衝入鴿群,嘴裡發出卡通或電動裡戰鬥的廝殺聲,還自豪地擺出勝利的姿勢,接著戲劇性地咪起眼睛,環顧四方,看看是否還有敵人(鴿子)敢接近他,父母還在一旁替他拍照。日本家庭走了,緊接著來的一個中國家庭,父母看來都十分年輕,還有幾分玩世樣,這回小男孩緊依著父母,反而是父親英勇打頭陣,腳一邁一踹,將鴿子胡亂驅散,而母親似乎是很愛父親,有難要同當,有仗要同打,在旁邊助陣嘶吼,小男孩見有父母罩著,很聰明地開始對父母前方起飛的鴿子使出拳頭,可能是想藉由空氣傳播震波擊打鴿子。中南美洲父女默默地離開了,還好似乎麵包也剛好用盡了,否則不知道這位父親該如何像女兒解釋為何離去,不過,總有一天需要解釋的。

3.去Glasgow旅行的第二天,在教堂前方的銅像座上發現一群小學生,一開始心理譴責他們怎麼這樣把先人的遺志當遊戲地方,可走近一看,站立良久,才發現那是他們榮耀的終點站。原來他們在玩遊戲,十分簡單的賽跑,從教堂跑向銅像,顯然座位最高的就是第一名,一位戴眼鏡的小男孩一跑一歇地仍在努力邁向終點,很像小說電影裡描述的書呆小孩,白白瘦瘦,體力差身子弱,長大成為天才學者,然而不同的是,這位小男孩沒有坎坷被排擠的童年,所有在終點的孩子們都在為他加油,有的還跳下榮耀的銅像座,揮舞著雙手為他加油,這樣謙卑扶弱的精神,誰說要長大成熟後才能學會?

4.去Glasgow旅行的第三天早上,再市議會大廳參觀時,有一幅畫的背景被問起,解說員說他也不曉的,不料一旁的清潔工回答了這個問題,為了不使解說員難堪,他還笑一笑說是因為他年紀比較大才知道的。我同時看見了令人敬佩的知識水平以及老者的謙虛態度,從他的穿著看來並不像是所謂的退休員工兼職,反而比較可能的是,他在此工作許久或許曾聽說過其他較資深的解說員做過介紹,因此長年耳濡目染,而累積出深厚涵養。

5.去Glasgow旅行的第三天下午,跟一個當日同行的外國朋友聊天,他分享他去香港時也遇到不少跟他一樣的"外國人",不過他最要好也最常攪和一塊兒的,都是道地的香港人,是他去融入香港,還學了不錯的廣東話。可是反觀他所認識"國外的"中國人(泛指說中文者),經常聚在一起,看似十分有凝聚力,甚至引以為傲,有些來到英國幾年了英文還是很破,是的,生存能力很強,但只生活在英國裡的孤島上,並不真正屬於英國,他說,他很痛心看到他們(他的眾多中國朋友)這樣,因為這樣並不能成長。

6.去Glasgow旅行的第四天,在去Pollok House途中公園裡的小徑上迷路,一位道路清潔工熱心的為我指路,還說可以陪我走一段,說他正好要清理那條道路。有些痴呆愚拙的樣子,帶上濃濃的英國腔,滔滔不絕地跟我說話,其實只有他一個人說,我只是偶爾搭搭腔,因為也聽不是很懂,不過他好像已經很滿足於此越說越熱烈,我感到有點煩,開始後悔沒有搭上園內巴士而選擇步行,想說可以聽取早晨的樹語,吐吶充足的氧......忽然又一輛園內巴士出現,司機好心的停下問我要不要上車,我狡猾地假裝猶豫了一下就上車了,在跟清潔工揮別之後,關門前的一瞬間,我瞥見清潔工莫落的眼神。我發現,遙遙的路途上他只撿過一小片紙,而我或許是他長久以來的難得聽眾,心頭一愀,車,已經開動了。