夜長夢多
睡到下午兩點的長夢
夢裡
當時我還年幼
到一個海底村莊參觀
那個村莊的建築風味十分傳統
有一家廢棄帕青哥店改裝成的公共休息室
店外的日是紙糊門上
仍可見生意興隆時買2000送3000的廣告
休息室裡是悠閒的村民
泡茶，搧風，下棋
可卻都不說話
這樣一個寂靜的村莊
在海底猶同一座孤島
太寂靜了
遙遠地
便可聽見
倒茶聲、沸水噗噗聲
悉酥風聲如同細語(是否是村民在偷偷說話)
棋子沉著的鏗鏘聲
我也不記的我是如何到達的
可也或許我是在那裡出生吧
十、二十年後
我在海上當船醫
每一次都是手術
每一次都醫死人
每一次都有救活
還記的一個遭水母攻擊的中年水手
全身好似鞭傷又像是火吻
手術進行中
四肢的皮都像剝橘子一樣地掀開
看到的是血淋淋的肌肉與色彩班蘭的血管經絡
旁邊的助手絕望地喊著
暴露太久會導致肌肉收縮崩壞
大動脈會浮出爆裂
我只是呆站在那裡
遲遲不做出決定
我只是在等著
奇蹟
海面上突然寂靜
一根針
後頭綁著鮮紅的線
從海裡竄出
直穿過手術台上中年水手的性器官
颼地在空中消失不見
只見水手的傷口與皮膚開始自行癒合
不消五分鐘
掙扎地從手術台上站了起來
這還不是奇蹟嗎
我一直相信有的
眼前又出現海底的寂靜小鎮
這次更加寂靜了
仍然是帕青哥店改裝的休息室
紙糊門上破洞更多了
廣告紙也泛黃
可裡頭的村民這回沒有泡茶
更沒有搧風、下棋
每個人都帶著一頂像馬桶的盔
嘎第一聲
紙門開了
這位應該是村長吧
頭髮班白
可我不記的我有聽見他說半句話
或更精確的說
沒有看見嘴巴
不過更令我訝異的是
他的右手拇指食指間
捏著一根針
後頭綁著紅線
夢尾
似乎與前一幕無關緊要
我贏得了賽車冠軍
似乎不寫也罷
抑或許
某些重要的關聯
希望我可以忘記吧
Wednesday 27 May 2009
Sunday 17 May 2009
Love : Water&Pee
How much water do you need a day?
How much love do you need a day?
How much percentage of your body is contained with water?
How much percentage of your heart is contained with love?
We need lots of water a day or we can die within three days; and how many days our heart can bear without love? How many people live with a alive body but a dead heart?
God is love!
See, love is far more than a creation, in fact, Love is the creater.
This is how God interact with us, with love, himself.
Love is just like water : We can't live without God's love.
Our spirit desperate to drink from the spring of love in every moment.
Like the water flow between our lips and down to our throat, absorbing by every single cell in our body and keep we fresh and alive, our heart need to soak in love, which is softer than any liquid, all the time until we die.
Unfortunately, when water go throw all our body and, part of it, accompanied with rubbish and poison, turn into pee and come out again. And so as love.
Sounds unpleasant, doesn't it. But it's true, a truth we hardly find out before it cause harm and pain.
How many time you pee on others? I hope not a lot of people have this experience.
But how many times you force others to accept your love, which is just like pee, impure, dirty, and stinky. However, sometimes that is the best you can give or have no chance to do any better. Those polluted element in the pee can include : Your anger, your sorriness, your self-forgiveness, your manipulation, your fear, your bitterness, your heart-desire, your self-pitifulness...etc.
Fortunately, through prayer, deeply communication, forgiveness, bible-understanding, many many ways, God is certainly able to help us fully cleanse our "Water", either before you give it, or after you receive it.
So, don't forget to drink water every day, share with others who need, and pray for God to purify your best water!
How much love do you need a day?
How much percentage of your body is contained with water?
How much percentage of your heart is contained with love?
We need lots of water a day or we can die within three days; and how many days our heart can bear without love? How many people live with a alive body but a dead heart?
God is love!
See, love is far more than a creation, in fact, Love is the creater.
This is how God interact with us, with love, himself.
Love is just like water : We can't live without God's love.
Our spirit desperate to drink from the spring of love in every moment.
Like the water flow between our lips and down to our throat, absorbing by every single cell in our body and keep we fresh and alive, our heart need to soak in love, which is softer than any liquid, all the time until we die.
Unfortunately, when water go throw all our body and, part of it, accompanied with rubbish and poison, turn into pee and come out again. And so as love.
Sounds unpleasant, doesn't it. But it's true, a truth we hardly find out before it cause harm and pain.
How many time you pee on others? I hope not a lot of people have this experience.
But how many times you force others to accept your love, which is just like pee, impure, dirty, and stinky. However, sometimes that is the best you can give or have no chance to do any better. Those polluted element in the pee can include : Your anger, your sorriness, your self-forgiveness, your manipulation, your fear, your bitterness, your heart-desire, your self-pitifulness...etc.
Fortunately, through prayer, deeply communication, forgiveness, bible-understanding, many many ways, God is certainly able to help us fully cleanse our "Water", either before you give it, or after you receive it.
So, don't forget to drink water every day, share with others who need, and pray for God to purify your best water!
Friday 8 May 2009
Thursday 7 May 2009
Charlie the Unicorn
It's...hard to say...
Crazy? umm...it doesn't make sense;
Weird? more than that;
Creepy? but cute as well ;
Relaxing? depends on your mind state.
But, however, like most of the best or worst film, you can never forget it!
(I don't even know which side it belongs to.)
I.
II.
III.
Crazy? umm...it doesn't make sense;
Weird? more than that;
Creepy? but cute as well ;
Relaxing? depends on your mind state.
But, however, like most of the best or worst film, you can never forget it!
(I don't even know which side it belongs to.)
I.
II.
III.
If you never...
If you never felt pain,
Then how would you know that I am a Healer?
If you never had to pray,
How would you know that I am a Deliverer?
If you never had a trial,
How could you call yourself an overcomer?
How could you call yourself an overcomer?
If you never felt sadness,
How would you know that I am a Comforter?
How would you know that I am a Comforter?
If you never made a mistake,
How would you know that I am a Forgiver?
If you knew all,
How would you know that I will answer your questions?
How would you know that I will answer your questions?
If you never were in trouble,
How would you know that I will come to your rescue?
How would you know that I will come to your rescue?
If you never were broken,
Then how would you know that I will make you whole?
Then how would you know that I will make you whole?
If you never had a problem,
How would you know that I can solve them?
How would you know that I can solve them?
If you never had any suffering,
Then how would you know what I went through?
Then how would you know what I went through?
If you never went through the fire,
Then how would you become pure?
If I gave you all things,
How would you appreciate them?
How would you appreciate them?
If I never corrected you,
How would you know that I love you?
If you had all power,
Then how would you learn to depend on me?
If your life was perfect,
Then what would you need me for?
Love,
Jesus
Shame
…looking to Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2, NKJ
It struck me one day that the phrase ‘despising the shame' is rather unexpected in the middle of this verse. Despising means pushing something away. Why would Jesus push shame away from Him?
Shame is a God given emotion that tells us we are guilty.
See Jeremiah 3:25 for an example:
We lie down in our shame, and our confusion covereth us: for we have sinned against the LORD our God, we and our fathers, from our youth even unto this day, and have not obeyed the voice of the LORD our God.
Its purpose is to bring us to repentance, restoration of ‘rightness' with God and therefore to peace and dignity. On the cross Jesus willingly took, once and for all time, our sin, our guilt and all the associated shame. So why does this verse say He despised shame? Is there another sort of shame?
After a while it occurred to me that the shame He refused to carry was the shame that those who had publicly humiliated and degraded Him wanted Him to feel and to be crushed by. The shame rightly belonged to those who had sinned by their abusive actions toward Jesus. If they had owned their sin they could have been forgiven by Jesus, the Saviour. But as a man, He despised the shame which rightly belonged to their sin and guilt and which they wanted Him to feel. He refused to feel ashamed because of what they had done. This shame is the sort that is ‘dumped' on the victim of abuse by perpetrators who will not acknowledge their own guilt.
So how can you deal with this ‘dumped' shame? The solution is simple. If it wasn't my sin, then it isn't my shame. I will have to forgive the ones who sinned against me but I must also ‘despise the shame' that is not mine to carry, just as Jesus did. This spiritual shedding of the shame is achieved by my decision to spiritually give back to the abusers what truly belongs to them even if they are far away or it was all long ago. This brings God's truth into the situation. Jesus can then lift off me the heavy cloak of ‘dumped' shame and bring healing to the pain and sense of embarrassment and exposure from the past situation. Jesus can raise me up from the place of past shame he is the ‘lifter of my head' (Psalm 3:3).
Prayer: Father, help me to face the truth of past situations that have made me carry the weight of someone else's guilt and shame. I want to learn to despise this shame as Jesus did, so I can lift my head to see into your loving and healing eyes. I ask it in Jesus name, Amen.
Today's Writer : Denise Cross
Denise Cross has been married to David for 38 years and they have three grown up children. Denise leads the team at Glyndley Manor, the second oldest Ellel Centre in the UK. Denise originally trained as a mathematics teacher, but after a “Damascus Road” experience of the Lord Jesus in 1981, now delights to teach the Lord's wonderfully logical truth. Her passion is to stir the hearts of believers to appropriate all the benefits of abundant life that their Heavenly Father freely offers to each of His children.
Hebrews 12:2, NKJ
It struck me one day that the phrase ‘despising the shame' is rather unexpected in the middle of this verse. Despising means pushing something away. Why would Jesus push shame away from Him?
Shame is a God given emotion that tells us we are guilty.
See Jeremiah 3:25 for an example:
We lie down in our shame, and our confusion covereth us: for we have sinned against the LORD our God, we and our fathers, from our youth even unto this day, and have not obeyed the voice of the LORD our God.
Its purpose is to bring us to repentance, restoration of ‘rightness' with God and therefore to peace and dignity. On the cross Jesus willingly took, once and for all time, our sin, our guilt and all the associated shame. So why does this verse say He despised shame? Is there another sort of shame?
After a while it occurred to me that the shame He refused to carry was the shame that those who had publicly humiliated and degraded Him wanted Him to feel and to be crushed by. The shame rightly belonged to those who had sinned by their abusive actions toward Jesus. If they had owned their sin they could have been forgiven by Jesus, the Saviour. But as a man, He despised the shame which rightly belonged to their sin and guilt and which they wanted Him to feel. He refused to feel ashamed because of what they had done. This shame is the sort that is ‘dumped' on the victim of abuse by perpetrators who will not acknowledge their own guilt.
So how can you deal with this ‘dumped' shame? The solution is simple. If it wasn't my sin, then it isn't my shame. I will have to forgive the ones who sinned against me but I must also ‘despise the shame' that is not mine to carry, just as Jesus did. This spiritual shedding of the shame is achieved by my decision to spiritually give back to the abusers what truly belongs to them even if they are far away or it was all long ago. This brings God's truth into the situation. Jesus can then lift off me the heavy cloak of ‘dumped' shame and bring healing to the pain and sense of embarrassment and exposure from the past situation. Jesus can raise me up from the place of past shame he is the ‘lifter of my head' (Psalm 3:3).
Prayer: Father, help me to face the truth of past situations that have made me carry the weight of someone else's guilt and shame. I want to learn to despise this shame as Jesus did, so I can lift my head to see into your loving and healing eyes. I ask it in Jesus name, Amen.
Today's Writer : Denise Cross
Denise Cross has been married to David for 38 years and they have three grown up children. Denise leads the team at Glyndley Manor, the second oldest Ellel Centre in the UK. Denise originally trained as a mathematics teacher, but after a “Damascus Road” experience of the Lord Jesus in 1981, now delights to teach the Lord's wonderfully logical truth. Her passion is to stir the hearts of believers to appropriate all the benefits of abundant life that their Heavenly Father freely offers to each of His children.
真正的強者
一個從小聾啞的女孩，懷揣著音樂的夢想長大，卻經常遭受姐姐的不屑與打擊。
正當她對自身的價值產生疑問的時候，一個流浪藝人告訴她：『音樂，只要你閉上眼睛，就能看見。』
兩人同時入圍音樂節，由於嫉妒和害怕，姐姐在比賽前雇人摔壞了妹妹的小提琴，打傷了一直在教導妹妹的流浪藝人。
自以為陰謀得逞，但是妹妹仍然出現在比賽現場，飛揚的卡農從殘破的小提琴中破繭而出，震動了所有人的心。
這是一部相當完整的濃縮版電影，伏筆，發展，轉折，高潮，典型的人物性格，激烈的矛盾衝突，可以說一切符合戲劇的元素都在本片中一一呈現。
開場的悲劇化色彩濃烈，聾啞的小女孩和落魄的流浪藝人同樣都是悲劇的代表人物；而最後的高潮運用了很多意象化的景物，曠野，蝶化，朝陽，都預示了一個新的方向。
極具衝擊力的運動鏡頭，充滿情緒化的蒙太奇剪輯手法，和引導人物命運的卡農樂曲，都給這部影片賦以激昂的史詩感。
片子雖然是潘婷的公益廣告，但與宣傳的商業主體已無多大關係了，全片揭示的是一個勵志主題：在困境中仍然能保持積極樂觀的人，才是一個真正的強者。
最喜歡當中妹妹和那個流浪藝人間的對話：
『為什麼我和別人不一樣？』
『為什麼你必須和別人一樣？』
正當她對自身的價值產生疑問的時候，一個流浪藝人告訴她：『音樂，只要你閉上眼睛，就能看見。』
兩人同時入圍音樂節，由於嫉妒和害怕，姐姐在比賽前雇人摔壞了妹妹的小提琴，打傷了一直在教導妹妹的流浪藝人。
自以為陰謀得逞，但是妹妹仍然出現在比賽現場，飛揚的卡農從殘破的小提琴中破繭而出，震動了所有人的心。
這是一部相當完整的濃縮版電影，伏筆，發展，轉折，高潮，典型的人物性格，激烈的矛盾衝突，可以說一切符合戲劇的元素都在本片中一一呈現。
開場的悲劇化色彩濃烈，聾啞的小女孩和落魄的流浪藝人同樣都是悲劇的代表人物；而最後的高潮運用了很多意象化的景物，曠野，蝶化，朝陽，都預示了一個新的方向。
極具衝擊力的運動鏡頭，充滿情緒化的蒙太奇剪輯手法，和引導人物命運的卡農樂曲，都給這部影片賦以激昂的史詩感。
片子雖然是潘婷的公益廣告，但與宣傳的商業主體已無多大關係了，全片揭示的是一個勵志主題：在困境中仍然能保持積極樂觀的人，才是一個真正的強者。
最喜歡當中妹妹和那個流浪藝人間的對話：
『為什麼我和別人不一樣？』
『為什麼你必須和別人一樣？』
生活是追隨與欣賞，對生命中的每一次美麗
有一天，柏拉圖問老師蘇格拉底：「什麼是愛情？」蘇格拉底叫他到麥田走一次，要不回頭地走， 在途中要摘一棵最大最好的麥穗，但只可以摘一次。 柏拉圖 覺得很容易，充滿信心地去。誰知過了半天他仍沒有回去， 最後，他垂頭喪氣出現在老師跟前， 訴說空手而回的原因:「很難得看見一株看似不錯的， 卻不知是不是最好，因為只可以摘一次，不得已， 只好放棄， 再看看有沒有更好的，到發現已經走到盡頭時， 才發覺手上一棵麥穗也沒有。」這時，蘇格拉底告訴他： 「那就是愛情，愛情是一種理想，而且很容易錯過。」
有一天，柏拉圖問老師蘇格拉底：「什麼是婚姻？」蘇格拉底叫他到樹林走一次，要不回頭地走， 在途中要取一棵最好、最適合用來當聖誕樹用的樹材，但只可以取一次。 柏拉圖 有了上回的教訓，充滿信心地出去。半天之後，他一身疲憊地拖了一棵看起來直挺、翠綠， 卻有點稀疏的杉樹。 蘇格拉底 問他：「這就是最好的樹材嗎？」柏拉圖回答老師：「因為只可以取一棵， 好不容易看見一棵看似不錯的，又發現時間、體力已經快不夠用了， 也不管是不是最好的，所以就拿回來了。」這時，蘇格拉底 告訴他： 「那就是婚姻，婚姻是一種理智，是分析判斷，綜合平衡的結果。」
有一天，柏拉圖問老師蘇格拉底 ：「什麼是外遇？」蘇格拉底還是叫他到樹林走一次，可以來回走， 在途中要取一支最好看的花，柏拉圖又充滿信心地出去。兩個小時之後，他精神抖擻地帶回了一支色彩豔麗但稍稍枯萎的花。 蘇格拉底 問他：「這就是最好的花嗎？」柏拉圖回答老師：「我找了兩小時，發覺這是最盛開、最美麗的花， 但我採下帶回來的路上，它就逐漸枯萎下來。」 蘇格拉底 告訴他： 「那就是外遇，外遇是誘惑的。 它也猶如一道閃電，雖照亮，但稍縱即逝；而且，追不上，留不住。 」
有一天，柏拉圖問老師蘇格拉底 ：「什麼是生活？」 蘇格拉底 還是叫他到樹林走一次，可以來回走， 在途中要取一枝最好看的花。 柏拉圖 有了以前的教訓，又充滿信心地出去。過了三天三夜，他也沒有回來。蘇格拉底只好走進樹林裡找他， 最後發現柏拉圖已在樹林裡露營紮寨。蘇格拉底 問他：「你找著最好看的花？」柏拉圖指著邊上的一朵花說：「這就是最好看的花。」蘇格拉底問：「為什麼不把它帶出去呢？」柏拉圖回答老師：「我如果把它摘下來，它馬上就枯萎。 即使我不摘它，它也遲早會枯。 所以我就在它還盛開的時候，住在它邊上， 等它凋謝的時候，再找下一朵。 這已經是我找著的第二朵最好看的花。」這時，蘇格拉底告訴他：「你已經懂得生活的真諦了，生活是追隨與欣賞，對生命中的每一次美麗。 」
有一天，柏拉圖問老師蘇格拉底：「什麼是婚姻？」蘇格拉底叫他到樹林走一次，要不回頭地走， 在途中要取一棵最好、最適合用來當聖誕樹用的樹材，但只可以取一次。 柏拉圖 有了上回的教訓，充滿信心地出去。半天之後，他一身疲憊地拖了一棵看起來直挺、翠綠， 卻有點稀疏的杉樹。 蘇格拉底 問他：「這就是最好的樹材嗎？」柏拉圖回答老師：「因為只可以取一棵， 好不容易看見一棵看似不錯的，又發現時間、體力已經快不夠用了， 也不管是不是最好的，所以就拿回來了。」這時，蘇格拉底 告訴他： 「那就是婚姻，婚姻是一種理智，是分析判斷，綜合平衡的結果。」
有一天，柏拉圖問老師蘇格拉底 ：「什麼是外遇？」蘇格拉底還是叫他到樹林走一次，可以來回走， 在途中要取一支最好看的花，柏拉圖又充滿信心地出去。兩個小時之後，他精神抖擻地帶回了一支色彩豔麗但稍稍枯萎的花。 蘇格拉底 問他：「這就是最好的花嗎？」柏拉圖回答老師：「我找了兩小時，發覺這是最盛開、最美麗的花， 但我採下帶回來的路上，它就逐漸枯萎下來。」 蘇格拉底 告訴他： 「那就是外遇，外遇是誘惑的。 它也猶如一道閃電，雖照亮，但稍縱即逝；而且，追不上，留不住。 」
有一天，柏拉圖問老師蘇格拉底 ：「什麼是生活？」 蘇格拉底 還是叫他到樹林走一次，可以來回走， 在途中要取一枝最好看的花。 柏拉圖 有了以前的教訓，又充滿信心地出去。過了三天三夜，他也沒有回來。蘇格拉底只好走進樹林裡找他， 最後發現柏拉圖已在樹林裡露營紮寨。蘇格拉底 問他：「你找著最好看的花？」柏拉圖指著邊上的一朵花說：「這就是最好看的花。」蘇格拉底問：「為什麼不把它帶出去呢？」柏拉圖回答老師：「我如果把它摘下來，它馬上就枯萎。 即使我不摘它，它也遲早會枯。 所以我就在它還盛開的時候，住在它邊上， 等它凋謝的時候，再找下一朵。 這已經是我找著的第二朵最好看的花。」這時，蘇格拉底告訴他：「你已經懂得生活的真諦了，生活是追隨與欣賞，對生命中的每一次美麗。 」
媽媽的愛
<編按> 本文的葉昊定同學，今年2月23日在清華大學體育館內撿球時被意外電死，本文作者陳海珊是葉同學於花蓮海星高中就讀時的老師，本來這是一篇家人朋友之間的追悼文章，葉同學的母親希望透過媒體刊登，也許可以讓更多年輕人了解生命的可貴，因此由聯合新聞網轉載發表此文。
**************************************************
98年2月23日 星期一，今天開學了。下午練球，梅竹賽看我的。
今天下午3點多鐘，室內體育館練球，三對三鬥牛真愉快，流汗過癮，像是一掃過年的多餘體重。
下午4點20分前，一個界外球滾到牆旁的椅子下，我去撿球。嗯！好小的狹縫喔！
下午4點20分…………………
你好，我是葉昊定，今年20歲，嚴肅的說，我將永遠是20歲了。這種話像某明星的答案，為我來說是「我來過、我愛過」的終點。
如果你要問我對這件事的看法，其實就像是我20歲的生命，真的，我搞不清楚發生了什麼事，我就與你們天人永隔了，似乎是國中、高中時，生命教育老師說的：死亡的腳步，總是在你措手不及時，來到你跟前，在你還沒看清它之前，就已把你籠罩。
> 喂！我想要告訴大家一些我想說的事。
媽媽，對不起！爸爸走的時候，我看到您的痛，而我又讓您更痛更痛的傷心了，這是我最最最放心不下的。其實媽媽，您常常希望我開心，好像孩子開心了，您就會開心；而我也常常希望您開開心心的，因為您是我最摯愛的母親，看到您平安、開心，我也就放心了。
我們常常要讓對方開心而犧牲自己，對方又不肯對方的犧牲，而想犧牲自己；就好像變賣頭髮買丈夫錶鏈的妻子，和賣了金錶買象牙髮簪的丈夫一樣，看似一種失去的遺憾，卻成就無形而滿滿的愛。媽媽您和我之間就是如此，如今我已不再痛苦。為此，我親愛的母親，您將要思念我，直到您和我見面之日，但我的平安，我在主內生命的平安，將和您一起思念著20歲的昊定。
還有我親愛的妹妹，我還有一些念力，我願意把全部的念力放在你身上，我心疼你小小年紀要承受父親突然過世，五年後哥哥又意外死亡，你好有個性，我擔心你想取代哥哥而把自己ㄍ一ㄣ的太酷，反而失去自己原本生命的樣貌。我要祝福你在生活中永遠記得有愛和信仰。
親愛的同學們，其實在我火化之日，正是清大梅竹賽的開始，面對一大群清大和交大的學生而言，我的死亡只是一個報上的新聞事件而已，世界不會因為一個「他」死了而有改變的，但對你們而言，我們曾經一起打球，一起做科展，一起演英語話劇，聖歌比賽，許多man's talk，在你們心中的葉昊定突然死去，我想這一定嚇壞大家了（關於這一點，我有一點樂！想像我頑皮偷笑的表情）！我不想叫你們「把我的那一份一起活」的這種屁話，我只想告訴你們「活好」自己那一份就好了。就像許多清大學生一樣，對他們而言，我只是「他死了」。對你們而言是「葉昊定，你死了」，有人會記得我，也有人可能五年、十年後就漸漸淡忘我了，別難過；別自責，如果你忘了我，只因為我不夠，不夠照顧和關心你吧！不論如何，謝謝你們來送別我，如果我有時有一些「白目」的地方，多包涵了。
你問我說我有沒有遺憾……
我有耶！我有一個遺憾，我不遺憾沒去歐洲，我也不遺憾沒吃過頂級牛排，我卻遺憾年輕的我受盡家人的疼愛，老師的照顧，我在清大大二，我還想唸碩士、博士，但我最大的遺憾是我想我可以是一個造福社會，為社會有貢獻的人，可惜，我才大二，受人點滴在心頭，卻還沒回饋社會就已失去生命了。
這樣的遺憾若能與你分享，我想應該是：「不論你是幾歲，你都能分享幾歲的生命。」8歲，就用8歲的能力愛四周的人，20歲就用20歲的熱情關心社會和四周的朋友。賺錢和地位都不能永活在朋友心中，唯有愛是天人永隔後的唯一橋樑。
你說我會不會埋怨或是責怪誰嗎？我很想這樣，但是我多年的教養，已教導我認識生命的所有變化，從阿根廷到台灣，父親的過世，喜歡班上的女生，可惜她對我沒意思，真的，我不會埋怨誰，尤其當我生活在信仰中，我就更不想去責怪了。只是，我想說，任何一個人在自己的工作崗位上一定要完全的盡責，一個不在意，一個無所謂，就危害了一個人的生命，就傷害一個家庭，如果清大的工作人員可以檢查每一個小細節，如果他們在接獲學生通知時，可以在意並且去修復，我就會在球場上繼續投籃，我也會快樂的分享生命，我也會……不說了，我現在希望每一個人都珍惜自己的生命，珍惜別人的生命，敬業的完成每一份工作的「在意」。
我不知道自己活著時是怎樣的一個人，我肯定絕對不是一個活的死人，因為我好熱愛清大的學習生活，我愛我的朋友，我愛籃球。如今我死了，我真的渴望永遠活在大家心中。嗨！你會記得我的什麼呢？
我的歌聲、
我黑黑的皮膚、帥帥的臉龐、
我耍寶的笑容、
還是我對生活的認真，
我不知道耶！我實在只想大家記得我，因為我活過，我愛過。
最後，我謝謝大家愛我。如果我們有一些誤會、不愉快，請原諒我。這個舞台我已成功演出，再會了。
**************************************************
98年2月23日 星期一，今天開學了。下午練球，梅竹賽看我的。
今天下午3點多鐘，室內體育館練球，三對三鬥牛真愉快，流汗過癮，像是一掃過年的多餘體重。
下午4點20分前，一個界外球滾到牆旁的椅子下，我去撿球。嗯！好小的狹縫喔！
下午4點20分…………………
你好，我是葉昊定，今年20歲，嚴肅的說，我將永遠是20歲了。這種話像某明星的答案，為我來說是「我來過、我愛過」的終點。
如果你要問我對這件事的看法，其實就像是我20歲的生命，真的，我搞不清楚發生了什麼事，我就與你們天人永隔了，似乎是國中、高中時，生命教育老師說的：死亡的腳步，總是在你措手不及時，來到你跟前，在你還沒看清它之前，就已把你籠罩。
> 喂！我想要告訴大家一些我想說的事。
媽媽，對不起！爸爸走的時候，我看到您的痛，而我又讓您更痛更痛的傷心了，這是我最最最放心不下的。其實媽媽，您常常希望我開心，好像孩子開心了，您就會開心；而我也常常希望您開開心心的，因為您是我最摯愛的母親，看到您平安、開心，我也就放心了。
我們常常要讓對方開心而犧牲自己，對方又不肯對方的犧牲，而想犧牲自己；就好像變賣頭髮買丈夫錶鏈的妻子，和賣了金錶買象牙髮簪的丈夫一樣，看似一種失去的遺憾，卻成就無形而滿滿的愛。媽媽您和我之間就是如此，如今我已不再痛苦。為此，我親愛的母親，您將要思念我，直到您和我見面之日，但我的平安，我在主內生命的平安，將和您一起思念著20歲的昊定。
還有我親愛的妹妹，我還有一些念力，我願意把全部的念力放在你身上，我心疼你小小年紀要承受父親突然過世，五年後哥哥又意外死亡，你好有個性，我擔心你想取代哥哥而把自己ㄍ一ㄣ的太酷，反而失去自己原本生命的樣貌。我要祝福你在生活中永遠記得有愛和信仰。
親愛的同學們，其實在我火化之日，正是清大梅竹賽的開始，面對一大群清大和交大的學生而言，我的死亡只是一個報上的新聞事件而已，世界不會因為一個「他」死了而有改變的，但對你們而言，我們曾經一起打球，一起做科展，一起演英語話劇，聖歌比賽，許多man's talk，在你們心中的葉昊定突然死去，我想這一定嚇壞大家了（關於這一點，我有一點樂！想像我頑皮偷笑的表情）！我不想叫你們「把我的那一份一起活」的這種屁話，我只想告訴你們「活好」自己那一份就好了。就像許多清大學生一樣，對他們而言，我只是「他死了」。對你們而言是「葉昊定，你死了」，有人會記得我，也有人可能五年、十年後就漸漸淡忘我了，別難過；別自責，如果你忘了我，只因為我不夠，不夠照顧和關心你吧！不論如何，謝謝你們來送別我，如果我有時有一些「白目」的地方，多包涵了。
你問我說我有沒有遺憾……
我有耶！我有一個遺憾，我不遺憾沒去歐洲，我也不遺憾沒吃過頂級牛排，我卻遺憾年輕的我受盡家人的疼愛，老師的照顧，我在清大大二，我還想唸碩士、博士，但我最大的遺憾是我想我可以是一個造福社會，為社會有貢獻的人，可惜，我才大二，受人點滴在心頭，卻還沒回饋社會就已失去生命了。
這樣的遺憾若能與你分享，我想應該是：「不論你是幾歲，你都能分享幾歲的生命。」8歲，就用8歲的能力愛四周的人，20歲就用20歲的熱情關心社會和四周的朋友。賺錢和地位都不能永活在朋友心中，唯有愛是天人永隔後的唯一橋樑。
你說我會不會埋怨或是責怪誰嗎？我很想這樣，但是我多年的教養，已教導我認識生命的所有變化，從阿根廷到台灣，父親的過世，喜歡班上的女生，可惜她對我沒意思，真的，我不會埋怨誰，尤其當我生活在信仰中，我就更不想去責怪了。只是，我想說，任何一個人在自己的工作崗位上一定要完全的盡責，一個不在意，一個無所謂，就危害了一個人的生命，就傷害一個家庭，如果清大的工作人員可以檢查每一個小細節，如果他們在接獲學生通知時，可以在意並且去修復，我就會在球場上繼續投籃，我也會快樂的分享生命，我也會……不說了，我現在希望每一個人都珍惜自己的生命，珍惜別人的生命，敬業的完成每一份工作的「在意」。
我不知道自己活著時是怎樣的一個人，我肯定絕對不是一個活的死人，因為我好熱愛清大的學習生活，我愛我的朋友，我愛籃球。如今我死了，我真的渴望永遠活在大家心中。嗨！你會記得我的什麼呢？
我的歌聲、
我黑黑的皮膚、帥帥的臉龐、
我耍寶的笑容、
還是我對生活的認真，
我不知道耶！我實在只想大家記得我，因為我活過，我愛過。
最後，我謝謝大家愛我。如果我們有一些誤會、不愉快，請原諒我。這個舞台我已成功演出，再會了。
Tuesday 5 May 2009
Choosing Cups
In Ellel Grange, we, the staff, use our own cups. Squeezed in a small cabinet, excepted some white cups with "Ellel Grange" as decoration, every single cup is different from the other. Some of them came from the shop, of course, some of them came from the gift, and some of them were personal, but within the love of God, shared.
Living here seven months already, I have some "favorite" cups, in the matter of fact, each one of them has there own meaning and feeling.
Black rose, when I sense I am hurt, well, by some specific "murders".
Oink the Pink Pig, when I feel silly, sometimes due to my crazy emotion, sometimes are just because I am so hungry(like a pig) and need a large cup of milk.
Egg, don't know why, usually I use it when I am alone.
Leaves of Autumn, I haven't used it for two months.
Water blue pattern, when I want to "make a island" and think.
Mini jug, as it's function, people use it for a drip of milk while making their tea. When I feel I want to enjoy the beauty of fresh milk, it let me have a little once a time. Feeling the cool, creamy stream fondling my tongue and flow down my throat, I get to say, "God, thank you for creating cows."
Living here seven months already, I have some "favorite" cups, in the matter of fact, each one of them has there own meaning and feeling.
Black rose, when I sense I am hurt, well, by some specific "murders".
Oink the Pink Pig, when I feel silly, sometimes due to my crazy emotion, sometimes are just because I am so hungry(like a pig) and need a large cup of milk.
Egg, don't know why, usually I use it when I am alone.
Leaves of Autumn, I haven't used it for two months.
Water blue pattern, when I want to "make a island" and think.
Mini jug, as it's function, people use it for a drip of milk while making their tea. When I feel I want to enjoy the beauty of fresh milk, it let me have a little once a time. Feeling the cool, creamy stream fondling my tongue and flow down my throat, I get to say, "God, thank you for creating cows."
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